relationships are defined by one thing.  how you interact with yourself.  your relationship with you.  how honest you are with yourself.  how you deal with your personal baggage and flaws.  how selfish you are or are not.  how needy you are.  how much you like yourself.  how you spend time with yourself.  how avoidant you are.  how optimistic you are.  how spiritual you are.  how giving you are.  how affectionate you are.  how daring you are.  how passive you are.  ETC. 

yes it’s about them.  you live with them.  you love them.  you want to be with them.  but you decide the tone and the attitude of how the both of you will dance the dance of your couplehood.  so even if they turn out to be skunks, it’s still up to you.  how are you going to deal with the skunkzone?  

reality is how we paint it to be.