fact is we are all insecure on some level deep down inside.  our north american culture teaches us to hide this fact.  we cover it with clothing, wealth, prestige, power, sexuality, position, bullshit and by creating an image.  but because our parents weren’t psychologists none of us got what we really needed during our formative years as children.  if you did you are damn lucky and should make several donations at a local tom cruise shrine.  our needs, as children, were not met.  generally speaking, our parents were emotionally unavailable to us during crucial events and thus we too have become emotionally unavailable as adults.  the cycle of dysfunctionality repeats itself in humanity.  the truth is…most of us are adult children when it comes to being mature and avoid growing up…unless we are forced to by whatever.  so don’t trash yourself so easily.  life does not come with a road map.  when it comes down to it life is unfair and is not easy.   give yourself permission to learn, admit  you are wrong, and change.  AND, pat yourself on the back when you learn something significant while in a relationship with your partner or peers. 

an awesome book that everyone should purchase izzzzzzzzz:  intimacy and desire by david schnark.  your mind will implode in a learning extravaganza!